Everything Has a Purpose and Every Action Has a Meaning

"We are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." -Ephesians 2:10

I came across this verse today.  I actually have my mom to thank for it.  She sent me a little box of cards a while back.  The box contains 101 bible promises.  I usually try to read one a day, but some days I admit to forgetting.  Today I pulled out a card, the first in a couple weeks to my shame. Sometimes life seems to get busy, filled with things that are important and things which in the long run aren't worth two pennies.  It is during these times I tend to forget the small things, which most of the time, are more important than the so called "important" tasks of the day.  Thankfully, today I remembered one of the small tasks, which is reading one promise a day.  

To be quite frank with you all, I have not been doing as well as I would wish here.  Sometimes, it is hard to admit, pride is most likely the main factor, and fear.  Both often prevent me from speaking out when I am not "okay."  Unfortunately, I also have a very independent personality.  I do not like to have to count on others, I would rather do it myself.  Do not get me wrong, I enjoy working with others and doing things as a team, I see the benefits of that.  But there is always a part of me, I call it my cynical side, that would rather go it alone.  You see, when you count on someone else, there is always that possibility that they will let you down.  And that hurts more than when you let yourself down.  Another problem with admitting a weakness is it leaves you vulnerable.  In itself, vulnerability is not bad, but not all people are kind and they will exploit your vulnerability, sometimes just for personal enjoyment.  The consequences of my fears result in isolation; not all the time, but enough to make it a problem at times.  

The truth is it is very hard to be here.  Some days I wonder why I am even here.  I cannot see how I have effected anyone here through my testimony.  I wonder even how I am supposed to witness.  I cannot speak to the students about my faith unless they directly ask me, similar to the rules in America, and because of the language barrier no student has asked me.  Also due to the language barrier I would not be able to give much of an explanation anyway.  The only time we bring up our faith is when we sing the students a goodnight song on Thursday, when we tell them we are Christians.  As for opportunities to talk to adults, the only adults I can really witness to are the Taiwanese teachers.  Most of them do not speak very good English and my Mandarin is not that great.  So I am often discouraged, I am at loss to understand what exactly God wants me to accomplish here.  All I am able to do is witness with my actions.  Be a light that shines in the darkness.  But I still wonder whether it is enough; will my actions and how I conduct myself really show people the hope I wish them to have?  I am only human, so I know I cannot be close to constantly following the perfect character of Christ, no one truly can.  That is the problem, what if I am not doing all that I can?  

Recently God has been slowly showing me the answer to this question.  The answer is to do my very best for God.  All I can do is my best, and God understands that I am not perfect in myself; only with Him can I achieve what God wants from me.  During the last week of school, before my week of break, a student wrote a note to me.  Her name is Ruby and she was in one of my small groups.  She had wrote to thank me for saving her English.  Ruby said she was doing bad in school and she was at a loss to fix it.  She said that because of me she gained confidence and in that short week had already improved a lot.  God used that thank you to remind me that my actions do make a difference. I am sure that if I had not cared as much as I do for my students, they would notice.  Kids are funny like that, they can always tell if your being fake vs. real.  Therefore, if I had been acting fake, Ruby would have noticed and nothing would have changed for her.  I would just be another teacher who did not care about her or her future.  My actions showed her I cared, and I do.  So even though some days it does not look like I am not making much of a difference, God has shown me that sometimes I will not see the difference I am making.  Sometimes it will be little changes each day that are not noticeable, but important all the same.  Like God's promise of the day today, "We are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do" (Ephesians 2:10).  Through this verse, God told me he had a plan for me to do good works for His name sake, before I accepted him as my personal Savior.  Before I was even born, God created me and prepared a specific plan for me.  Coming here was not a waste, it has a purpose.  Even though I may not know that purpose or see any fruitful results, it is God's plan.  That is what I need to focus on, that is how God's perfect plan will be done through me.